If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
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