True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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