i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize