Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize
