In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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