You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
