Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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