i always forget guys have bellybuttons
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Randomize