I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
