Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
