Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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