I must be too annoying 4 u.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
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