So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
