do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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