38 yer olds are good kisserssss
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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