Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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