it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
