shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
