my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
