I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
