I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Randomize
