im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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