just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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