The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
