some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
