So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Randomize
