College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
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