so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
