He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
