rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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