I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize