So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Randomize
