census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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