Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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