I am in a vortex of obligation.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize