talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
