You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
They left me at home... I'm a liability
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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