ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
