She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
