i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Randomize
