p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
we're chasing vodka with high fives
i barfeds in our rink
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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