You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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