I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
