She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
