my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
tell me about the eggs
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