happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
