Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
