just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
you win again, gameday.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Randomize