How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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