God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize