I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
