Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
The cops high fived after they tackled you
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Randomize
