There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
