My room smells like vodka and shame
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
