Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
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