Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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