So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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