cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
