rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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