The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
